I accept that it is virtually impossible to completely get away from Songkran.
There seems to be a mindset that it is some kind of joyous celebration for everybody and you must be some kind of misery if you dislike it.
Well you can count me out – I hate it.
Now I am not trying to dictate what you do. Splash away – all day and all night for all I care.
I shall be doing my level best to avoid you, but if I do have to go out, you know do a bit of shopping or take the dog for a walk could I just ask for a bit of bloody consideration.
If I am on a motorbike could I ask that you don’t throw a bucket of water in my face or hit me with a high powered water gun.
You see, it could cause me to die and render my children fatherless. I know it is inconvenient for you, especially when an easy prey foreigner comes along the street but please give it a try.
I don’t mind a bit of powder and a few sprinkles. How about let me stop first rather than dash out on the skiddy wet road causing me to slide to an early death?
If you at least do that, I promise to smile, even if through gritted teeth.
If I am dressed up, perhaps have a phone in my hand and obviously going somewhere important would it be possible to let me pass. I know this might be culturally odd but again, sometimes people have things to do even at Songkran.
It shouldn’t spoil your day too much – you might even make mine with your consideration.
And might even help restore some faith and belief that the festival still is a traditional celebration of everything that is good in Thai culture. Like good manners and thought for others.
You see, I don’t dislike Thai culture. In fact I love many aspects of it, just like you do. But wouldn’t we all agree that Songkran has gone a bit far on occasion?
Would you not accept that the timeless tenets of “grengjai” and consideration for others are just as important a part of Songkran as at other times of the year?
To drivers would it be asking too much when transporting people around in your pick-ups to stay sober for the good of your passengers? You see it is not just about you.
It’s also about the children in the back who have no say in the matter. We know Thais love kids so that shouldn’t be too tough an assignment, would it?
Some more of you might even get to celebrate and do it all again next year.
To police can I ask that you don’t let obviously drunk drivers back in their vehicles. You see, they are not just a danger to themselves – incredible as it may sound, innocent people can get caught up in the accidents they cause.
You may be spoiling their fun by making them and their passengers find another way home but isn’t that better than a trip to the morgue.
And do make guilty drivers visit the morgue like you did last year – just keep them there for a week rather than a few minutes to make sure they have got the message.
To parents please teach your children how to behave well at Songkran. If you are not sure about that, ask an older person, they might remember what it was once like in Thailand in April.
Amazingly parents, children tend to copy their folks so if you behave well who knows they might even follow suit in the future and you can be proud of what you did.
To especially young foreign visitors – try to learn a little about the traditions of Songkran. I understand that at times it looks like war and you want to pretend to be Rambo with a water gun but you really would cover yourself in more glory if you didn’t add fuel to the fire.
Some locals are bad enough as it is without you making it worse because you think you can do exactly as you like holiday.
And to everybody, if people who clearly don’t want to play ball are sitting inside somewhere please don’t bring Songkran off the street. Just stay out there in your own mayhem and leave us to our depressing little lives.
And when the fat lady has sung in Bangkok can you pack up on time and put the water guns away for another year.
If you still haven’t had enough you could just go to Pattaya.
They will welcome you and you can continue being a total idiot down there for another week.
Khop khun khrap (Thank you)