This post is also available in: English
By Inspire Guest Writer
On her own, without my knowledge, and on an extremely hot Bangkok day, my Thai girlfriend at the time visited 4 medical clinics that morning, on foot, and also via taxi, then described to them what I had in an effort to find out what the hell it was and to decide on the right clinic to fix my problem….a huge growing lump on my elbow! She selected one that was fairly close by and made an appointment. Naturally, as a bloke, I didn’t want to go and said…’she’ll be right mate, it will go away’. However, I was ordered that I must go or certain privileges would be withheld. So off we went at 5pm as I wasn’t going to go without those said privileges , yes, they meant more to me than fixing the huge lump. But after looking at it the doctor said he actually couldn’t do anything at his clinic and said I needed to go to a hospital!!! Jesus!!! i thought…I haven’t been to a bloody hospital for anything for me since I was born in one!! So they called the hospital to make sure the Orthopaedist specialist was in and he was…we hoped on a few motorbike taxis and made our way there.
It was a good private hospital and right from the start the staff were great…and all having a bit of a look and a laugh at the big bloody lump on this farangs elbow! It didn’t take long at all before the Doctor, Doctor George (his Thai nick name), could see me. He made me feel completely at ease as soon as we met which was a relief because hospitals scare me..they all smell like..um.. death..I don’t like them, accept for one I went to with a Thai friend for her ‘issue’ where some nurses in very sexy uniforms with short skirts…cruised around on roller skates..yes, roller skates. I think the same genius who invented the Thai female university student uniform was also behind this one. If I ever need to go to a hospital again..that’s the one I would check into.
Funniest Doctor in the World?!
So, Doctor George was making jokes about what may have caused the problem..like, “do you walk on your elbows while you’re working?”….then after a few more joke scenarios he told me it was a buildup of fluids in my joint. Apparently he gets many farang with the same thing…but some with it in more dangerous places like..um… the head. It happens to a good number of farang who have lived here for more than 3 years or so…it’s because of the heat, the lack of any winter, and not enough water intake…and also us farangs diet which isn’t as full of fruit and veggies as the Thai diet is. Thais don’t get this problem…and he assured me and her it wasn’t alcohol related, well, she asked the question..not me..typical hey…I have tried to explain to many Thai woman that beer to an Aussie is like rice to a Thai..it’s our culture I proclaim.
Anyway, Dr. George said he was going to suck the fluid out with a ‘big needle’ while letting out a sinister laugh, perhaps like most Thai men he was looking forward to inflicting some pain on a farang guy. I laid down on the bed and turned the other way, telling Dr. George I didn’t want to see his bloody big needle. He said he’d give me a numbing injection first and asked me if I was allergic to anything….I said no..but told him I had drank 4 Leo beers prior to coming and is that a problem. He looked at me all serious and said..”oh, that’s not good”……, and I though shit, I’ll have to come back again….then he said…..”it’s not good…it’s VERY good, because it will help you feel less pain!”..then he laughed again. This is my kind of Doctor I thought. I didn’t feel at all the numbing needle go in and actually didn’t feel the big needle go in…no doubt because of the first needle. As he was draining it out (I still wasn’t looking) I asked him was it water, blood..or whatever…he said “its draining very well…and it’s..it’s… yellow..it’s Leo beer!!!!” Wish he didn’t make me laugh at that point because it started to hurt a bit by then.